Mephiles' Babysitting Nightmare
by Project Starvix
Summary: Silver and Blaze accidentally turn themselves into babies and GUN finds a way to neutralize Mephiles' powers. However, GUN agrees to let him go free if he babysits. So he takes them to the past and cons Amy into helping out. He might wish he hadn't.
1. The Deal

**Before we get started: I have only done a small portion of Silver's story, and have never unlocked Shadow's, so what I know about Mephiles and the general story of him comes from the internet. From what I gathered, this will take place shortly after the end of Shadow's story but before Mephiles shish-ka-bobs Sonic. And, since the site stated that at the end of the game 'None of the events ever happened and Mephiles never existed,' then the fic you are about to read never happened, either. Confused? Me too, but paradoxes are supposed to be confusing.**

 **Project Starvix note: So fics are out of order, I've been trying to fix that! But for now, this story goes before Metal, We Toddlerized Ourselves, okay? Anyways, prepare for a flood of uploads, because CHRISTMAS! Merry Christmas everyone!**

 **Disclaimer: Teamwork is a large group of people doing exactly what I say.**

* * *

 _Somewhere in a distant future…_

"Wait up, Blaze!" Silver the Hedgehog, famed psychic of the future (The ONLY psychic of the future) called to his best friend, Blaze the Cat, as she threatened to leave him in the dust again.

Blaze paused momentarily to give Silver time to catch up to her. "Come on, Silver," she called. "You're slower than Christmas!"

Silver finally managed to catch up to his friend, and paused to regain his breath. "What did you want to show me, anyway?" he asked.

"It's right over that hill," Blaze replied, instead of just telling him what the big deal was like he'd asked. Then she started running again, and the frustrated Silver had no choice but to follow her.

Finally reaching the top of the hill, Silver's eyes widened as he saw the object of Blaze's interest: An old, rusted up machine with a faded word on it. Only part of the word was still readable, it proclaimed the machine to be the Egga—something or other.

Silver and Blaze eagerly walked up to the machine, and Silver gently laid a paw on it. "It's really old," he said admiringly. Blaze nodded, looking inside.

"Look, Silver," she said. "There's a big red button inside. I wonder what it does?"

Then, ignoring good old common sense that said you shouldn't touch a big red button if you don't know what it does, Blaze pushed the big red button. Nothing happened. Blaze shrugged and jumped back down to Silver.

"I guess it's a dud," she said.

"What are you doing here?"

The two friends twirled around to see the Commander of the Guardian Unit of Nations staring at them, his arms crossed as he looked at them with a disapproving glance.

"You two have been warned this area is off limits," the Commander said reprovingly. "You have no business here. Leave. _Now."_

Silver held up his hands in a defensive gesture. "Ok, ok, you don't have to be all snappy about it," he said. Turning to Blaze, Silver continued, "C'mon, Blaze, we're out of here."

Blaze nodded, and the two started to go. At that moment, the machine behind them powered up, and they turned back to see what was happening.

The GUN Commander's eyes widened in horror. "No! Get away from that now!"

He sprinted towards them, but was too late, as a pinkish/white light shot out of the machine and enveloped the two. The Commander pulled up short and shielded his eyes from the intense light. It finally dissipated, leaving behind a huge crater. The Commander quickly slid down the newly created hole, to find a now very young Silver and Blaze looking up at him curiously.

Looking upset but not shocked to see them turned to babies, the GUN Commander scooped them both up and sighed. "You two," he told them as he started back to the GUN base, "are going to be the death of me."

Suddenly he stopped, an idea forming in his head. A smirk graced his features and he looked at the two snuggled in his arms. "Or…the death of _him._ How'd you two like to be GUN agents?"

"Okies," Silver said, grinning, although he had no idea what this strange man was talking about.

"Good. I have an assignment for you two," he continued, all business, but with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

* * *

Mephiles the Dark opened his eyes and wondered where he was and why he hurt so. His lime green eyes opened wider as he remembered _exactly_ what had happened. It was that stupid GUN Commander's fault…but the fool had idiotically allowed Mephiles to live. A pathetic weakness that Mephiles would make him suffer for.

Mephiles stood up, noting with interest that he was in a common GUN prison cell—no special detainment units. GUN was more foolish than he'd thought.

There wasn't even a guard at his cell! The only thing to fools had done was put some sort of blinking collar around his neck, as if that could _possibly_ stop him from exacting his vengeance.

Mephiles snorted in contempt and willed himself to change to his Crystalline form to more easily use his destructive powers, but to his amazement, nothing happened!

Stunned, Mephiles tried to change yet again, but nothing happened. Somehow…somehow, this collar must neutralize his powers! He was stuck in his second form—the one he had used when tricking that altruistic fool, Silver the Hedgehog, into doing his bidding.

Mephiles reached up and tried to rip the offending collar off of his neck, but a small electrical current shocked him. Frustrated, Mephiles realized that all he could do was sit back and wait.

Twenty minutes later, the door to the far side of the room opened and his hated enemy, the Commander of GUN, casually strode into the room, stopping at Mephiles' cell.

"Mephiles," the Commander said, nodding slightly as he acknowledged the twisted villain's presence. "I have a proposition for you."

Mephiles chuckled slightly. "Of course you do," he said. "Otherwise you would have destroyed me when you had the chance."

"Don't think the thought hadn't crossed my mind," the GUN Commander said darkly. "But, I thought of a better idea."

The door opened again and another GUN agent walked through it, holding two young children by their hands.

"You remember Silver and Blaze," the GUN Commander said, motioning to them with his head.

Mephiles bobbed his head a touch. "I seem to remember them being taller," he replied dryly.

The Commander gave him a smirk. "If they _were_ taller, I wouldn't be offering you this proposition," he said.

"Which is?"

"We will give you access to two time warps—your collar will provide you with the time and location. You're to take the two children and warp with them to a point in the past where it will be easier for you to watch them. I suggest you find some help—you'll need it."

Mephiles cocked his head. "You want me to babysit?"

"For two weeks. And don't think about using your second warp to get away from us—your collar is programmed to send you back here, where you'll be taken back into custody," The Commander explained.

"What's in it for me?"

"Freedom."

Mephiles would have smirked if he had a mouth. Who knew GUN could be so stupid as to offer him his freedom? They knew full well what he'd do with it. "I see," Mephiles said emotionlessly. "Very well. I will agree to your deal."

"Good. And by the way, when your two weeks are up, your collar will automatically take you back here. If you show up without the children, or if one of them is injured, the deal's off. Understand?"

Mephiles nodded slowly. The GUN Commander opened his cell and let him out. Mephiles walked over to Silver and Blaze and took their hands.

"One more thing," Mephiles added, before he left. "The collar…"

"Should you live up to your end of the bargain, it will be removed when you come back," the Commander assured him.

Mephiles nodded, pleased. "Good," He said, and then he and the children disappeared into the time stream.

The GUN agent who had brought in Silver and Blaze cleared his throat and said, "I know it's not my place to question your judgment, sir, but is it really a good idea to allow him near children?"

The GUN Commander locked his crimson red gaze on the agent and said, "Do you trust me, Lieutenant?"

"With my life, sir," The agent said matter-of-factly.

"Then trust me on this." The GUN Commander crossed his arms and stared out a nearby window at the decimated landscape outside. "You forget, his future's my past. I know _exactly_ what will happen." A rare smile graced his features as he added, "And I assure you, it's not the children who you should be worried about."

* * *

 **For the record, this GUN Commander is *NOT* CGC. (IF you don't know who CGC is, read Babysitting Blues.) What happened to him? Well, according to the website, Silver lives approximately 200 years after Sonic; what do you** _ **think**_ **happened to him? The new Commander is** _ **not**_ **an OC; while I will never use his name, I will put enough hints in here that by the time the fic's over you should know who he is, if you haven't guessed already. RR, please.**


	2. Finding Help

**To those of you wishing to use Starvix's Baby Universe in your own stories... I dunno, keep it PG. No swearing or anything, please. This is supposed to be fun for** _ **ALL**_ **ages!**

 **Disclaimer: I sat here so long writing this chapter, my legs have gone to sleep, and when I get up, I will no doubt hurt myself.**

* * *

Mephiles, Silver, and Blaze appeared in the middle of a busy highway interstate. Mephiles took a good deal of pleasure in the horrid car wrecks it caused. However, he had not come to have a good time.

Sighing, he decided to get back to the task at hand. First things first: he was going to hack into the nearest computer terminal and find someone he could con—I mean, persuade—into helping him. Finding someone gullible enough to do all the work for him would be even better.

Mephiles led his charges to the nearest public library, a sure place to find computers. With his hacking skills, he could easily bring up the information he wanted.

Mephiles ordered Silver and Blaze to stay put and be quiet and turned to the library computer to get the info he needed.

Twenty seconds later, the librarian tapped him on the shoulder and told him that he'd better go get his kids, who were swinging from the chandeliers and making monkey noises.

Mephiles, clearly annoyed, reclaimed Silver and Blaze and sat them down on a couple of metal chairs.

"Now, you _have_ to sit still and be quiet," Mephiles told them emotionlessly. "Or…well, you know."

"What?" Blaze asked, her eyes going wide.

Mephiles shook his head. "No, I'd better not tell you…it's a secret."

"Tellies!" Silver demanded, nearly dying from anticipation.

Glancing around as if worried about eavesdroppers, Mephiles leaned close to the two and whispered, "Don't tell anyone, but there's a tiger shark hiding in here."

"Tigger ark?" Blaze asked. "Is dat?"

Mephiles shrugged. "It's a monster that likes to eat little cats and hedgehogs."

"Weally?" Silver asked, looking worried.

Mephiles nodded, looking completely serious. "Yes. If you move, it catches your scent and eats your legs. If you talk, it hears you and eats your head right off your little body."

Both children looked horrified and stiffened up, clamping their hands over their mouths so no tiger sharks could come and eat their legs and heads. Mephiles was quite pleased with the results of his threat, especially when he saw that he'd scared them both so badly that tears were welling up in Blaze's eyes and Silver had peed himself.

The GUN Commander had made it plain that Mephiles couldn't ditch or hurt these brats. But he'd said nothing about messing with their little toddler heads.

Reasonably certain that there would be no more interruptions because of the children, Mephiles returned to the computer and started his search.

"Too old," he muttered, as a picture of Vector Crocodile filled the screen. "Too young," he continued, deleting a picture of Cream the Rabbit.

The next picture was of Maria Robotnik, her hands folded together as she gave the camera a happy smile. Mephiles deleted that, too. "Too dead," he criticized.

Finally, he had compiled a list of likely candidates and printed them out. Then he turned and walked back to Silver and Blaze who hadn't moved a centimeter since he'd left them.

"Let's go," he ordered. They looked at him and Blaze quickly shook her head _no._

Mephiles' eyes narrowed. "Is this about that tiger shark?" he asked.

Silver nodded, his eyes darting around the room.

"If I kill it, will you leave?" Mephiles asked, growing impatient.

Both children nodded. Mephiles sighed loudly and then walked over to a bookshelf. He quickly pushed it over, and it hit another bookshelf, which hit another, which started a domino effect. Several startled and horrified screams could be heard between each shelf as they buried several people alive. Finally, an eerie silence filled the room.

"He's dead," Mephiles said simply. "Now let's go."

"Sure?" Blaze whispered, worried about the possibility of the tiger shark lurking in wait to bite her head off.

"Trust me," Mephiles said convincingly. "If he wasn't dead, would he have screamed like that?"

"Is dead! Yays!" Silver cheered, and he and Blaze jumped up, eager to go.

As they left the library, several policemen, firemen, and paramedics rushed past him, trying to lift the bookshelves.

"Why they doing?" Blaze asked interestedly.

"They probably want to find the tiger shark's body so they can donate it to science," Mephiles explained.

* * *

The first candidate on Mephiles' list was none other than the famed hero, Sonic the Hedgehog. He was an ideal helper: Eager, full of energy, and gullible. So Mephiles headed to Sonic's house first.

When he knocked on the door, Sonic called, "Come on in!" from somewhere inside. Mephiles pushed the door open and herded his two hooligans inside, where he found Sonic sitting on a stool in his kitchen, and—oddly enough—he was holding a banjo.

"Yo!" Sonic called. "You're just in time for my Big Banjo Booyah Boogie Bash!" Then he picked at the banjo, creating a scratchy sound that was decidedly unpleasant. It reminded Mephiles of a cat, slowly sliding its claws repeatedly across a chalkboard.

"So," Sonic continued, not noticing Mephiles' discomfort. "What can I do ya for?"

Mephiles blinked slowly, the horror of Sonic's awful banjo playing temporarily robbing him of his speech.

Sonic suddenly noticed Silver and Blaze. "Hey, kidlets! You know, every child needs a Chao and a banjo."

"What good would that do?" Mephiles said disdainfully, finally regaining his voice.

"Well, you can teach the Chao how to play banjo. Ain't that right, Zombie?"

A truly horrific-looking Chao flew into view, a small, Chao-sized banjo in his arms. Zombie started picking his banjo while Sonic clapped his hands and stomped his foot in time with the sort-of music.

"He's pretty good for not having any fingers, huh?" Sonic asked, a big grin on his face.

Mephiles could bury countless people alive under a mess of bookshelves and never blink. He could destroy the whole world and not think a thing of it. Yet even he could tell that this was flat-out _wrong_. Without a word, he grabbed Silver and Blaze and left before Sonic traumatized them before he did.

* * *

The next candidate was Shadow the Hedgehog. Mephiles knocked on the door to the ebony furred hedgehog's apartment and waited for him to open the door.

Shadow finally opened the door, looking out at Mephiles coldly. "What do you want?" he asked.

"What I _want_ is unimportant. What I _need_ is your help watching these two toddlers," Mephiles answered.

Shadow's eyes widened in horror, a look that was decidedly foreign to him. In a decidedly uncharacteristic way, he shrieked, "Rouge **burned** those pictures! You can't make me do _anything!"_ Then he slammed the door shut and Mephiles could hear him deadlocking it.

Mephiles wondered what the heck that was all about and turned to find his next candidate, Tails Prower.

* * *

Mystic Ruins. Tails' workshop was just up ahead. Mephiles really hoped Tails would help him out; his feet were starting to hurt from all this walking around.

All at once, Blaze started trying to tug her hand out of his. "I wan' goies dere, all by awone," she explained.

"I can't let you go off in the woods alone," Mephiles said.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because the Brain Eating Tree Gnomes would catch you and scoop out your brain," Mephiles explained matter-of-factly.

Blaze considered, then decided she needed her brain. She stopped struggling against Mephiles' grasp.

Finally, the trio made it to Tails' workshop. Mephiles went to knock on the door, when a sound like a glass crashing made him pause.

"BIG!" Screamed a voice from inside. "What part of _stay out of my house_ do you not understand!"

"FROGGGGY!"

" **GET OUT OR I'LL DRAG YOU OUT BY THE SCRUFF OF YOUR NECK, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING BUM!"**

Mephiles turned and walked away without a word. The last name on his list was Amy Rose. Boy, did he hope she'd help out…

* * *

 **Big the Cat, Tails, and Froggy: Folks, I think we have a beautiful running gag here. And Mephiles, I wouldn't be so eager to get Amy's help, if I were you. RR, please.**


	3. May I Take Your Order?

**Disclaimer: Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?**

* * *

It was _pink._

That was Mephiles' first thought upon reaching Amy Rose's house. The house was pink, the garage was pink, the lawn ornaments were pink, heck, she even had pink Astroturf! It made his eyes water just looking at it.

"Geez, this place is a freaking pink nightmare," Mephiles muttered.

"Wook!" Silver cried, as he and Blaze were both charmed by the disgusting pinkness. He pointed to a—surprise, _pink_ —flamingo. "Is dat, Mephill?"

Not even pausing to blink, Mephiles walked to the door and stated, "It's a Tail Whopper."

"Ail Opper?" Blaze asked, wanting clarification.

"If you touch it, it whops off your tail."

Both children grabbed their tails and held them close, just in case that Tail Whopper decided to do a sneak attack.

Mephiles somehow conveyed the expression of smirking without a mouth and rang Amy's _pink_ doorbell.

"Just a minute," Amy's sweet voice called from inside the house. There was a shuffling sound, and the door opened.

Mephiles straightened and muffled a gasp as he got an eyeful of Amy's interior. Her walls were pink, her carpets were pink, her furniture was pink, heck, she even had a mirror with pink tint on the glass.

"Can I help you?" Amy asked politely.

"Yes, miss, you can. My name is Mephiles the D—Hedgehog," Mephiles said, sounding very sincere. "You don't know me, but see, I'm actually a distant cousin of Shadow and Sonic."

"Cousin?" Amy asked. "Shadow and Sonic aren't related."

"And yet they bear the same last name," Mephiles said persuasively. "I ask you, could that be a mere coincidence?"

"But Shadow was artificially created fifty years ago, and Sonic was birthed naturally by a hedgehog named Aleena!" Amy argued.

"Have you ever _met_ this 'Aleena' woman?" Mephiles asked with disgust.

"Um…"

"And does Shadow _look_ like he was created _fifty whole years_ ago?"

"Well, no, but…"

"You see, Miss Rose, Sonic and Shadow were actually born out in the Ozark Mountains, in a little valley nestled just right between two hills to ensure that they'd have to go to school uphill both ways in ten feet of snow when they were two and a half feet tall. It's a little known fact that this particular exercise is the reason they are such speedy runners," Mephiles continued, as if it was obvious.

"If what you are saying is true, then why haven't they told me about it?" Amy asked, though she sounded unsure of herself.

"I ask you, would you rather tell people that you were genetically engineered in a lab by a woman named Aleena, or that you were born to Mr. and Mrs. Bubba Hedgehog in the Ozarks?"

"Oh…" Amy looked like she was buying it. "What _was_ Sonic's mom's real name?"

"I told you. Her name was Bubba."

"What was his dad's name?"

"Bubba."

"They're _both_ Bubba?"

"Miss Rose, Bubba is a very popular name in the Ozarks."

"Oookay…why are you here again, Mr. Mephiles?" Amy asked.

"Well, you see, my sister is sick in the hospital and my mother is at her funeral and my father got hit in the face with an ice pick and needs bed rest and my sister's husband had a football game he wanted to attend, and while he was there the roof caved in and gave him a brain cramp, so you see, I was the only one available to watch my niece and nephew, Silver and Blaze."

Silver waved at Amy. "Hi!" he chirped perkily.

"Mephee say you housey is a fwe—"

Mephiles quickly covered Blaze's mouth. "She's adorable. Has such a vast imagination."

Blaze started to lick Mephiles' hand and he withdrew it, rubbing it quickly on Silver's quills.

"They are adorable," Amy agreed. "But I don't see what this has to do with me."

Mephiles made his voice as sad as he possibly could. "You see, Miss Rose, the company I was with recently folded because of a fraud and now we're all in trouble save the company president, who I hear is currently retired in Tahiti. My cousin Sonic agreed to help me find a job here, but in the meantime, I need someone trustworthy to help me watch the children, and Sonic recommended you."

Amy's eyes widened. "My Sonikku told you about me?"

Mephiles nodded, looking thoughtful. "Oh, how did he describe you again? Ah, I remember. He said 'Amy is a beautiful Angel sent from heaven, the very essence of grace and beauty. I could not function if not for my wonderful pink rose.'"

Amy squealed, and Mephiles could practically see hearts appear in her eyes. "I knew he felt that way about me!" She said. "Of course I'll watch them for you! Oh, and I know a place that is looking for an employee, too! I can get you a job."

Mephiles' eyes widened; that certainly hadn't been in the plan. "Uh, no, that really isn't necessary…"

"Oh, nonsense. Any distant cousin of Sonic's is a distant cousin of mine," Amy said, waving him off. "Or, you will be in a couple of years when we tie the knot, anyway. The manager of the restaurant and I are old friends, and he owes me a big favor. I can practically guarantee the job's yours."

"Really, I don't want to impose…"

"It's no trouble at all! Let's go right now!"

With that, Amy grabbed the still protesting Mephiles by the hand and dragged him off to get him a job, with Silver and Blaze following behind, still on the lookout for Tail Whoppers.

* * *

"Welcome to McDoodles, can I help you?"

Amy giggled. "It's me, Nathan," she said.

"Ah, Miss Rose! Welcome back!" Nathan was a Siamese Cat with a big smile and a white, crescent-shaped birthmark above his right eye. "What brings you here?"

"My new friend Mephiles wants to see about the job opening," Amy explained, motioning Mephiles to come over. Mephiles was still spouting off excuses as to why he couldn't come to a job interview.

Nathan hmm-ed and inspected Mephiles. "Well, I believe in hands-on experience," he said, putting a stupid looking hat on Mephiles' head. "Take the cash register boy, lets see what you can do."

Feeling foolish, Mephiles had no choice but to stand behind the register and take orders. An elderly couple walked in and Mephiles asked gloomily, "What do you want?"

"Lessee, here," The man said, squinting at the menu. "I'll have a baloney sandwich."

"Yeah, well, we don't always get what we want," Mephiles said. "There's no baloney here. Get something else."

"Alright, sonny," the man said agreeably. "Give me a baloney sandwich."

Mephiles gripped the cash register so hard it make a cracking noise. "There is _no_ baloney here! Get something else already!"

"Well…" The man considered his options for a moment, then said, "I want a baloney sandwich."

Mephiles punched him in the face, then launched himself over the counter so he could be better situated to strangle the senile old man. He was vaguely aware of the man's wife beating him over the head with her purse. Silver and Blaze, the little traitors, were off to the side laughing at the whole thing like it was the funniest thing they'd ever witness.

Nathan quickly pulled Mephiles off of the old man, and held him until the Dark could control himself somewhat.

"So, maybe you're not a good people person," Nathan said encouragingly, offering him a spatula. "Perhaps you could cook."

Mephiles disappeared into the kitchen, which had a little window so he and the customers could see each other.

Nathan took the cash register, and a group of teens came in. "What'll it be, folks?" Nathan asked them eagerly.

As the teens looked over the menu, Mephiles snickered and started waving his spatula around in an odd manner. When he was reasonably sure all the teens were looking at him, he started singing, "There's a fly in the buttermilk, shoo fly shoo…" then he slammed the spatula down on the grill with all his might.

"Ha! Gotcha, you little bugger!" he said triumphantly, then he resumed grilling, taking the cooked hamburger off the grill and placing it between two buns. "ORDER UP!" he yelled. "Hey, Nathan, did I hide the legs well enough this time?"

Those teens couldn't get out of the restaurant fast enough. And Nathan, for some strange reason, determined that he couldn't use Mephiles' service. Oh, well.

Outside the restaurant, Amy sighed and said encouragingly, "I'm sure we'll find something, Mephiles. In the meantime, why don't you and the kids come back to my house for lunch?"

Blaze giggled. "Mephie say you housey is a fwe..."

"Could you excuse us for a second, Amy?" Mephiles interrupted, pulling Blaze off to the side, where Amy couldn't hear them. "Blaze," he said seriously, "if you tell Amy what I said, the rabid monkey weevils will get in your bed while you sleep and chew your guts out. You wouldn't want that now, would you?"

Blaze shook her head no, and the foursome continued their walk in silence.

* * *

 **StarVix note: My mother used to work in a fast food restaurant, and she said that once an elderly man came in and kept ordering a baloney sandwich no matter how many times she told him they didn't have any. No one punched him in the face, though. Another time, my mom and I were going out to eat, and the cook really was singing, 'there's a fly in the buttermilk' while he was cooking. We left the restaurant. Mother's day was yesterday, but I still dedicate this chappy to my Mom, the best Mom in the whole wide world. RR please.**


	4. A Horrible New Predicament

**Disclaimer: If you have a green thumb, you're either a great gardener or a lousy painter.**

* * *

"Here we are," Amy said, eagerly stating the obvious as she let Mephiles, Blaze, and Silver into her house. "Why don't you three watch some TV while I heat up some leftovers?"

Mephiles grudgingly agreed to her plan, and he led the children over to the couch and grabbed the remote.

Ten minutes later, Amy came in with four bowls of warm stew which she promptly dropped and shattered all over her pink floor when she saw what Mephiles was watching on the TV.

"Mephiles! What do you think you're doing?" she shrieked, absolutely horrified.

" _Night of the Mutant Bloodthirsty Gerbil Creatures From Planet Nine III_ ," Mephiles replied, not taking his eyes off of the TV.

"You can't watch horror movies with toddlers around!" Amy cried. "You'll give them nightmares!"

"What's your point?"

Before Mephiles knew what hit him, Amy's Piko Piko hammer did.

"Ow!" Mephiles yelped, rubbing his sore head. "What was that for?"

"Change the channel, _now!"_ Amy warned, threatening him with her Piko Piko hammer again.

"Alright," Mephiles said begrudgingly, getting the remote and starting to browse through the channels. "No more horror movies."

"Good," Amy said, all smiles again. "Excuse me while I go get more stew."

Another ten minutes passed. And another tray full of stew hit the floor as Amy came back in and saw what Mephiles' was watching now.

"MEPHILES!" Amy shrieked, as she saw a man being dragged alive by giant red ants into a giant anthill, screaming all the way. "What did I tell you?"

"It's not a horror movie," Mephiles said defensively. " _It's Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull_. They love it!"

As if to emphasis his point, Silver and Blaze noticed a little black ant making its way down Amy's living room carpet. Both pointed at it and started screaming in terror.

 _Whack!_ "Change!" _Whack!_ "The!" _Whack!_ "Channel!" _Whack!_

Trying to protect his poor, aching head in futile, Mephiles grabbed the remote and yelped, "Alright! Alright!"

Amy paused her Piko Piko hammer in mid swing and frowned. "On second thought," Amy said, "I'll change the channel." She grabbed the remote and switched it to Spongebob Squarepants. He and Patrick Star were happily playing with a _worm_ for Pete's sake.

Mephiles wondered how this could possibly be any better than _Night of the Mutant Bloodthirsty Gerbil Creatures From Planet Nine III,_ but he didn't say anything for fear of Amy's hammer. The pink hedgehog smiled at him angelically and went back to the kitchen, leaving Mephiles to suffer through Spongebob.

" _Good morning, Wormy,"_ The yellow nuisance said on TV.

" _Hey, where's Wormy?"_ his pink cohort asked.

" _I don't know,"_ Spongebob admitted.

" _He left his best friend ribbon behind!"_

Mephiles wondered if it was too late to go back to GUN. Nothing they did could possibly be worse than Spongebob.

Suddenly, a close up of a butterfly, complete with a strange buzzing noise, filled the screen.

Silver, Blaze, and Spongebob all started screaming at the same time.

Mephiles wished he had a mouth so he could grin. Maybe Spongebob wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

After a few hours, the sun finally started to set towards the horizon. This presented Mephiles with a problem he had not considered: Where on earth were they going to sleep tonight?

Luckily, or rather, unluckily, Amy had a perfect idea.

"My Sonikku has such a great big house," the pink hedgehog said, "and I'm sure he'd love to let his cousin stay over a couple of nights."

Mephiles rarely had a story backfire on him quite this badly; but although he tried quite adamantly to get out of going to Sonic's house, Amy, as we've previously determined, usually got her way when she wanted it. It didn't take long at all to drag Mephiles, Silver, and Blaze to Sonic's doorstep.

This was very bad on multiple levels. Not only was Amy about to find out that Mephiles was a convulsive liar, and therefore stop helping him out, but he also ran the chance of having to hear Sonic's blasted banjo again.

However, he saw no path of escape as Amy knocked on the door and Sonic opened it.

"Uh…hi, Amy," Sonic muttered, looking about as glad to see her here as Mephiles was to be here. "What's up?"

"Hi, Sonikku," Amy said in a lovey-dovey singsong voice. "Guess what? Your cousin and his niece and nephew are here to visit!"

Sonic blinked at her incomprehensibly. "Cousin?" he echoed, and his eyes finally locked onto Mephiles. They widened considerably, and he said, "You're my cousin?"

"Twice removed," Mephiles said, glumly thinking that there was no way Sonic was gullible enough to buy it.

Sonic frowned and crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes dangerously. He looked Mephiles up and down critically. Then he smiled big and threw his arms out wide.

"Cousin!" he said warmly. "Welcome back to my crib, dude!"

It was Mephiles' turn to blink incomprehensibly. He actually _bought_ it?

"Anyway, Sonic, Mephiles and the kids were wondering if they could possibly spend a few days with you," Amy continued.

"Sure thing, cuz! My home is your home. Or at least, it is until the bankruptcy papers get through," Sonic said happily. "Come on in and make yourselves at home. Take your shoes off, raid my fridge, oh, and uh…Memphis, wasn't it?"

"Mephiles."

Sonic shrugged. "Pretty close. Anyway, Melvin, hows about I give you three some free banjo lessons?"

"NO!" Mephiles cried in horror. Then he cleared his throat and regain his composure and added, "That won't be necessary, thank you. And my name is Mephiles."

"Sure thing, Marty," Sonic agreed.

Then Mephiles, Silver, and Blaze entered the house.

"I'll watch Silver and Blaze tomorrow so you can look for a job," Amy called, as Sonic closed the door.

And Mephiles was in for the worst night he would ever experience, before or after, in his entire life.

* * *

 **You see, things like this are the reason that lying doesn't work. Mephiles lied to Amy thinking she'd help him then, and now he's got to spend the night in Sonic's spare guest room, in the same house as Sonic and Zombie. Let's hope there are no more banjo solos. (Shudders) RR, please!**


	5. Curse You, Ultimate Banjo of Justice!

**Disclaimer: When watching a young child, if the toilet flushes and you hear the words 'Uh-oh,' it's already too late.**

* * *

Sonic's house was so big, he stated, that he could easily let Mephiles, Silver, and Blaze each get their own rooms, a fact that pleased Mephiles greatly. That is, it did until Silver and Blaze were tucked in their perspective beds for the night and Sonic showed him to his own room, which Sonic had been using for a storage area.

Sonic pushed some boxes off of the bed and onto the floor, and Mephiles winced as he heard something glass breaking. Sonic paused and glanced under the box.

"Oh, no!" he cried, looking stricken. "I killed Santa Claus!"

Sonic mournfully scooped up the broken, decorated-like-a-Santa cookie jar and hugged it. "He was so young!" Sonic sobbed. "Take me instead!"

Zombie, who was flying _right next_ to Mephiles' ear, turned crimson red and started howling like a coyote. Mephiles stumbled back and covered his ears, not that he needed too. He'd probably never hear out of them again.

"Oh, the inhumanity!" Sonic continued to squall. "Oh, the absolute horror! Oh, look, cookies!"

The discovery of cookies inside the broken cookie jar helped to ease the pain of losing Santa and Sonic's mourning period ceased. Zombie changed back to his original color and started a strange, shuffling dance in midair.

Mephiles wondered if he could make the two suffer an unfortunate 'accident' without anyone suspecting him…

After devouring the cookies that had been sitting in a cookie jar in storage for who knows how long, Sonic turned back to the task at hand. "Here," he said, dumping a load of boxes into an unprepared Mephiles, who stumbled back and fell to the ground, dumping the boxes' contents on top of him and everything else in the vicinity. Oddly enough, they were full of a grayish/blue wool like substance.

Mephiles brushed some off, noting with frustration that it was sticking to his fur, and asked, "What the heck _is_ this stuff, and why did you store it in boxes?"

"Well, I had to store my navel lint collection somewhere, didn't I?" Sonic asked, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Mephiles froze, his mind digesting this new information. "Navel? As in…" He jumped up like someone had told him he was sitting in a batch of viral infection, frantically trying to get the belly button gunk out of his fur.

"Here," Sonic said, holding out another box. "Hold my ear wax box for a moment, will ya, pal?"

Mephiles snapped. Uttering a cry that was a cross between the words, "You sick little—" and the sound an angry wolverine makes when angry (which is most of the time) Mephiles jumped on Sonic, arms poised for the blue blur's fuzzy little neck.

The only reason Sonic lived to fill another box with his prized navel lint was the fact that Mephiles hadn't counted on his white little bodyguard, Zombie, to turn red again, snarl like a rabid wolf, and start trying to eat his leg.

Mephiles let go of Sonic and turned his attention to Zombie, who clung to him like a sock on your shirt after you just take it out of the dryer. Eventually, Mephiles managed to yank his leg in a peculiar manner which made Zombie fly off and hit the wall. The Chao laid still for a minute, his skin tone changing slowly, and Mephiles began to think hopefully that he'd destroyed the little freak. But then Zombie jumped up like nothing had happened and laughed like a maniac, doing a victory dance and sticking his tongue out at Mephiles, making the Dark believe that, even though he'd failed to kill the Chao, he had at least given him brain damage.

"Woohoo, you go Zombie!" Sonic said, copying his pet's dance exactly. "Shake that thang!"

Then again, perhaps Zombie merely liked to imitate his owner, who obviously had no brain.

* * *

 _12:00 A.M. …_

Mephiles woke with a start as he felt a small hand grasp his. He drowsily looked over to the edge of the semi-cleared bed and saw Silver and Blaze, looking up at him with worried little faces.

"What?" he asked, feeling annoyed at having to wake up.

A flash of lightning lit the room, accompanied by a loud crash, and the two children shivered and tried to get closer.

"Boomies," Silver whispered. "Is scaries."

Blaze nodded. "We stay heres, be safe?" She asked.

It took a cold hearted, cruel master of pure evil to look into those little faces and tell them no.

"Get lost," Mephiles ordered without hesitation.

Silver stuck his lower lip out and Blaze started to sniffle. Another flash of lightning lit up the night sky, and as soon as it was over, an agitated Sonic the Hedgehog and a crimson red, howling Zombie appeared at Mephiles' doorway.

"What are you doing here?" Mephiles asked, frustrated. "Go away and let me sleep already!"

"Are you crazy?" Sonic asked, looking like he was about to pee his pants. "It's scary out there all by myself!"

Zombie shuddered for dramatic effect.

Mephiles sighed loudly and got out of bed. He picked up Silver and Blaze, carried them to Sonic, and placed them in his arms.

"Stay out of my room!" he yelled in their collective faces. Then he slammed the door and locked it.

Mephiles trudged back to his bed, but unfortunately he could still hear his tormentors from behind the door.

"Whas we do?" Blaze asked in a very small voice. "Scaries boomy lights getties us!"

"It getties us ever ever!" Silver added, sounding despondent.

Sonic hmm-ed. "I know!" he said brightly. "We'll barricade the kitchen with the house furniture and keep the boogey man who lives in thunderstorms away by playing the Ultimate Banjo of Justice!"

Mephiles' eyes had been closed until that period of time, but now they flew open, widening in terror. Not the banjo!

"Jo just?" Blaze asked, wanting clarification.

"Yep! No boogey man can defeat the Ultimate Banjo of Justice," Sonic said proudly.

Sure enough, five minutes later, that horrid banjo could be heard throughout the entire tri-county area, and unfortunately, that included Mephiles' room.

Mephiles sat in his bed, trying desperately to shield his ears with his pillow. It was a futile gesture. Mephiles officially hated his life. No, wait, scratch that. It wasn't his life he hated.

Mephiles the Dark decided then and there that he hated Sonic the Hedgehog's guts. _And_ his Ultimate Banjo of Justice.

* * *

 **Hmm…it looks like Mephiles didn't want to get rid of Sonic just so he could make Elise cry…he also had a personal vendetta against everyone's favorite blue hedgie. RR, please.**


	6. The Weirdest, Twistedest Plot Twist Ever

**Hi, everybody! Here's the next chapter. I know in all my other stories, something happens and the sitter starts to like and then has to save his kids. But I just couldn't comprehend Mephiles actually starting to LIKE the kids, much less want to save them, so this story is going in a different direction. Never let it be said that I am TOO predictable.**

 **Disclaimer: Cat's aren't clean. They're just covered with cat spit.**

* * *

Mephiles found himself in a dark, empty expanse of nothingness. What it was or how he had gotten there was beyond him, but he was there nonetheless. Suddenly, a bright light shone down from some unknown area up in the sky, lighting up, of all things, a computer console that was sitting all alone off in the distance.

Almost without thinking, Mephiles walked to the computer and touched the mouse. The screen lit up, showing him the webpage it had been on, and he read it, his eyes widening in shock and horror.

 _It's a little known fact that Sonic the Hedgehog's mother, Aleena_

 _Bubba, was Professor Gerald Bubba Robotnik's primary assistant_

 _in the creation of the Ultimate Lifeform, Shadow the Hedgehog._

 _So, in many ways, one could say that Sonic and Shadow are brothers._

 _Sonic grew up in the Ozark mountains, and Shadow spent much of_

 _his time practicing in a holographic simulation of the Ozark Mountain_

 _area, this is the main factor in their incredible speed…_

… _Another little known fact is that Professor Robotnik's research on_

 _the Ultimate Life Form was of great use to the Duke of Soleanna, who_

 _used many of the same tactics to create the infamous Mephiles the_

 _Dark. It's ironic that Mephiles, who could very well be a cousin twice_

 _removed to the two heroic hedgehogs, is a psychotic evildoer who_

 _wants to destroy life as we know it…_

Mephiles gasped and jerked away from the computer like it was on fire. He…he really _was_ a cousin to Sonic the Hedgehog? This was an abomination that should not be permitted to happen!

He stumbled and the dark floor opened into a bottomless abyss, and Mephiles started falling. He was still surrounded by nothingness; but he could feel wind whooshing past him and he could feel himself falling helplessly. It was a strange feeling.

He finally landed in a soft, fluffy, bluish/grey cottony object inside some sort of rounded hole. It was hard to walk in the stuff, but Mephiles slowly made his way to the edge of the hole. He found that he was sitting in some sort of cave like thing on a large cliff face, miles from the ground. But upon closer inspection, Mephiles realized that this cliff face had blue legs and sneakers.

Confused, Mephiles looked up, to see that he was sitting in the bellybutton of an enormous Sonic the Hedgehog. The blue blur's massive, gloved hand came towards his bellybutton, and the Dark narrowly avoided being squished by it by jumping out of the disgusting predicament without a moment to spare.

He was falling again, and somehow, he landed without injury inside the library. Standing up and looking around for the exit, he noticed that a tiger with the head of a shark was playing poker with a pink flamingo with a pair of hedge clippers, and the flamingo was apparently using some unfortunate animal's tail to raise the stakes.

Mephiles turned, and everything turned pink, and the color began to drain itself, turning into an ooze like substance and coming together to make Amy Rose, with her Piko Piko hammer in hand. "CHANGE THE CHANNEL!" she shrieked.

Shadow the Hedgehog raced past her, holding a doorknob in his hand. While continually twisting that little twisty lock on the handle, he screamed, "Rouge burned the pictures and you can't make me do anything!"

Then, Zombie came in with an Indiana Jones' fedora on, cracking a whip as he fought to force a legion of Mutant Bloodthirsty Gerbil Creatures into a pit, where a giant butterfly was sitting, looking up and licking it's lips, making a strange buzzing noise.

Nathan the restaurant manager showed up and put a stupid looking hat on his head. "Put 'er there, bud!" he said, fading into nothingness.

Then he heard a crash from out in the darkness, and though he saw no one, he heard Tails Prower state quite clearly, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, BIG, OR I'LL FEED YOU TO RABID MONKEY WEEVILS!"

A weevil with the head of a monkey fell on his arm and looked at him, foaming at the mouth. Mephiles gave a startled gasp and quickly brushed it off of him. It disappeared as soon as it hit the ground.

"!"

Then there was a little croaking noise, then the sounds faded and all was dark and silent again.

While he was trying to figure out what the heck was going on, everything disappeared again, and was replaced by dozens of copies of Silver and Blaze, both toddler size, who clamored around him and grabbed his arms and legs, pulling him down and climbing on him.

"Is dat? Is dat? Is dat?" they asked, over, and over, and over…

Mephiles couldn't move as the children sat on his arms and legs, completely restraining him. He looked up and saw the giant Sonic, with a huge banjo. Sonic swung the banjo at the Dark with all his might. Mephiles' eyes widened as, as the banjo came right at him, it developed red eyes and a twisted, evil mouth. It laughed manically as it swallowed him whole…

* * *

 **"AUGH!"** Mephiles woke with a start. He took a few ragged, gasping breaths and assured himself that it had all been a sick, twisted nightmare brought on from the events of the last day. However, it had alerted Mephiles that a new course of action must be taken in order to preserve his sanity. He wasn't sure if he could take another crazy nightmare like that. So, that could mean only one thing…

"I HAVE to figure out a way to get this collar off!" Mephiles said aloud, fingering the collar gingerly. He tugged it experimentally, and a mild electromagnetic current shocked him. He would have to find some other way to remove it.

Perhaps he could find an answer if he browsed the internet. You could usually find anything there.

It was still dark, and the storm had stopped, but Mephiles had no way of knowing if Sonic or the two brats were still awake. He'd have to risk it. Every minute he stayed with those morons was another minute that his precious brain was slowly destroyed, bit by bit.

Mephiles got out of his bed and quietly tiptoed his way into the living room, where he noticed that every scrap of furniture was missing. A short search found it being used as a barricade in the kitchen, where Sonic, Blaze, Silver, and Zombie were all sound asleep, the cursed banjo still nestled loosely on Sonic's lap.

Here was a temptation too great to refuse. Mephiles slowly and carefully took hold of the banjo, pulling it off of Sonic's lap. Sonic stirred slightly and Mephiles froze, but the hedgehog merely turned over and, in his sleep, cuddled Zombie close to his body like a teddy bear and started to suck his thumb.

Not bothering to hide his disgust for the heroic blue hedgehog, Mephiles took the banjo and dragged it outside. It was now just around five am, and a few of the neighbors were awake and watching him. In the view of all, Mephiles broke the banjo into pieces and tossed it in the trash.

The whole neighborhood started to cheer wildly. A young woman rushed to Mephiles, hugged him tight, and, with tears in her eyes, she whispered, "You're a good person."

Mephiles pulled away from the hug and looked at her coldly. "Lady, you have _no_ idea," he said simply, turning and going back into Sonic's house.

This deed accomplished, Mephiles walked to Sonic's computer and booted it up. A rare curiosity as to what his host did on the internet consumed him, and he clicked Sonic's history file. His eyebrow rose at the first website.

"The Official Website of Honest Sam the Shoe Salesman?" he asked in confusion. Clicking the link, he brought up a website selling encyclopedias.

Wondering briefly why Sonic would visit a website selling encyclopedias, and why such a web would proclaim itself a shoe salesman site, Mephiles shrugged and clicked onto Sonic's E-Mail account.

The first thing he noticed was that Sonic had a saved, unsent E-mail he'd been working on. Mephiles brought it up and saw it was hate mail the hedgehog meant to send to Wikipedia.

 _Dear stupid Wikipedia:_

 _Your definition of hedgehogs is DEAD WRONG, buddy! We're not_

 _ALL lactose intolerant! I'm not! I'll prove it! Watch me drain this_

 _ENTIRE JUG of milk! Take_

That was all it said, but Sonic did have a new E-mail from the local hospital, which consisted of a bill. Apparently, Sonic had needed to get his stomach pumped to help counter an allergic reaction to milk. Moron.

Mephiles rolled his eyes and started a search to find anyone who might have the technology to get this collar off of his neck. He found an interesting link and clicked it. It consisted of a newspaper clipping.

The headline said:

 **Eggman Escapes in Stupid Plastic Bubble Thing!**

The article itself talked about how Eggman was an evil genius who had created technology years ahead of anyone else's, and who also had a grudge against Sonic the Hedgehog.

Mephiles' eyes glinted evilly in the darkness as he printed out Eggman's picture. He was perfect.

Mephiles gathered up the completed picture and walked out the door, already scheming on how to con the evil genius into helping him…

* * *

 **Someone asked me in a review if Mephiles' stories and movies would give the kids nightmares. I don't know, but it sure gave him some ;) And yes, I still believe that all hedgehogs, INCLUDING SONIC, are lactose intolerant. (Sorry, Sonic.) RR, please.**


	7. Metal Cameos

**Everybody, the instant you finish reading this chapter, go read the stories** _ **From Silver to Baby Onyx**_ **by TheV3ng3ance and** _ **Knucklehead Nanny**_ **by Writing Nobody. The stories are based on Starvix's baby universe, and they are both AWESOME and YES I AM SO BIASED AND GO READ THEM AND DON'T YOU DARE EVEN** _ **THINK**_ **ABOUT FLAMES! *Stops and pants heavily.* What happened? I blacked out for a moment…**

 **Disclaimer: Sing it with me! Everybody's got a Water Buffalo, yours is fast but mine is slow…**

* * *

Sonic the Hedgehog woke up with a sore neck on a cold, hard linoleum floor that smelled like greasy turkey. He lay there a while, wondering why he wasn't on his warm, soft bed that smelled like old gym socks. Then he remembered the events of last night and sat up, bumping his head on the bottom of the coffee table that he hadn't remembered dragging in here last night.

"OW!" Sonic yelped, grabbing his head as little Chaos Emeralds flew in a little circle around his head. He blinked, clearing his vision, and looked around to better observe his surroundings.

Silver and Blaze were curled up on opposite sides of the couch, still sleeping. Silver's leg would periodically twitch uncontrollably.

Sonic stumbled to his feet and accidentally stomped on Zombie's midsection. Zombie squeaked like a little squeaky toy and opened his eyes, looking up at Sonic quizzically.

"Oops," Sonic mumbled, still half-asleep. He stretched and yawned, trying to get the painful little kinks out of his body, and looked around for his most precious possession, which was no longer there.

The Ultimate Banjo of Justice was gone!

Sonic suddenly found himself on high alert as he started looking around furniture for his beloved banjo. It was gone, however, a telltale trail of footprints leading out the doorway made him think that whoever had taken his precious musical(?) instrument might have taken it outside.

Sonic followed the footprints outside to his trash can, where, horror of horrors, his banjo lay, broken into a million unfixable pieces!

"Who could throw away a perfectly good banjo?" Sonic asked in disbelief. "Now I have to buy another one!"

The aforementioned neighbors who cheered when Mephiles broke the banjo now gasped in disbelief at Sonic's rather loud proclamation. The aforementioned lady who hugged Mephiles fell to her knees, sobbing.

"Oh, please, have mercy!" she begged.

Sonic looked at her with eyes full of pity and said, "I know how you feel; I miss the Ultimate Banjo of Justice, too." Then he turned and walked back into his house as the poor woman broke down in despair.

Once inside his house, Sonic rushed to Mephiles' room to get his help in order to track down the dastardly banjo killer, but was shocked to discover that Mephiles was not in his room! Even more shocking, was that an exact copy of the footprints that belonged to the guy who murdered Sonic's 'innocent' banjo were in this room, and Sonic suddenly realized that the shoes Mephiles wore had the same kind of tread! Following the trail he found himself taken to his own computer. Taking off the screensaver, Sonic gasped because there was a giant picture of Eggman on the screen, and someone had written the words 'Mephiles' Evil Plan For Destroying Sonic the Hedgehog' on Sonic's memo pad and had been writing out the evil scientist's last known location!

"Not the memo pad, too!" Sonic cried out in despair. This was his favorite pad!

While Sonic was no Sherlock Holmes, he surely had enough deductive abilities to put two and two together and discover that Mephiles had destroyed his banjo, written in his memo pad, and was endeavoring to find Dr. Eggman, and they probably weren't going to start a Girl Scout Troop together. Surely he could realize that Mephiles was an evil being who was totally going to try to destroy him!

"Zombie!" Sonic called to his friend. "Eggman broke into my house, broke my banjo, wrote in my memo pad, put his big, ugly mug on my computer, and kidnapped Manny—you know, my cousin? He even had the nerve to steal cuz's shoes!"

(Ok, so maybe I overestimated his deductive reasoning. Go figure.)

Zombie gave an overdramatic gasp, and pretended to faint from shock.

Sonic nodded gravely. "Zombie, bring me the phone. We need to call Amy so she can babysit, and we can rescue my cousin twice removed, Manfred."

* * *

Meanwhile, Manny—I mean, Manfred—I mean, Mephiles, really didn't wish to be rescued. If anything, he figured he needed rescuing from Sonic, not Eggman. Eggman was egotistical. Eggman was wily.

Eggman was a big, fat, cherry flavored _sucker._

Mephiles thought it was pathetic that a man who supposedly had an IQ of 300 was easier to con than both Sonic and Amy, and that's saying something. Mephiles could have flat out told Eggman "Hi, I've come to make you do what I want and then double-cross you and then take all your hopes and dreams and grind them into powdery little dust, then rebuild them and call them my own." And Eggman would have totally done anything Mephiles asked!

Actually, Mephiles told the scientist that he had the power to give Eggman the world, and all Eggman had to do was find a way to remove the collar that was around his neck.

While the fool was thrilled the Mephiles had the power to give him the world, he never actually asked if Mephiles _would_ give him the world, which was a big, fat no. For an evil villain, he was a little _too_ trusting of other people.

Perhaps it was because he surrounded himself with robots, who did not double cross others or talk badly of him behind his back.

"You're the new guy, huh?" one of Eggman's loyal robots asked.

Mephiles nodded briefly. "Assuming he can meet my demands."

The robot snickered and looked around to make sure his Master wasn't looking, then leaned in close and whispered, "I'm Metal Knuckles. Take it from me: Fat Boy over there couldn't meet your demands if you demanded him to bend over and touch his toes." `

Hmm…well, that blew _that_ theory right out of the water.

Two other robots walked over to them. Mephiles noticed with discomfort that they resembled Shadow and Sonic.

"My designation is Metal Sonic. This is my counterpart, Shadow Android," the Sonic robot said in a monotone. "You are the new Eggman lackey?"

"No, he wants something before he obeys Master's every command," Metal Knuckles said before Mephiles could answer.

Shadow Android cocked his head and seemed to study Mephiles intently. "Silly you," he said, sounding amused.

"Is there a problem?" Mephiles asked, wanting information that might be useful for double crossing Eggman later on.

"Only if you like to win," Metal Sonic admitted. "Let me explain the way things work around here: They don't. In fact, since he made me, the only thing he ever created that works right is that stupid plastic bubble thing, and he made that to escape when the other things he makes blows up in his face. Which is often. Look at Metal Knuckles; he has so many glitches in his operating system he's literally useless."

"Aw, you're just saying that because it's true," Metal Knuckles said, kicking at the ground with false modesty.

"One of those glitches in an inability to determine when he's being insulted," Shadow Android explained.

"All I want is for him to rip this collar off of my neck," Mephiles said, worried that Eggman might not be able to do even that right.

"Oh, if that's all, don't worry," Metal Sonic sounded relieved. "If there's anything Master can do right, it's tear stuff up."

"Speaking of ol' blubber bottom, my internal sensors indicate he will be approaching hearing distance in about one minute," Shadow Android warned.

Mephiles cocked his head. "Blubber bottom?" he questioned.

Metal Sonic leaned close and whispered, "Once, he jerked quickly and when he stopped moving his body didn't."

Mephiles turned away quickly and fought to keep that rather… amusing … image out of his head.

Eggman certainly _was_ a gullible fool, if he couldn't even keep his own machine's respect. Since, you know, all you have to do to earn the respect of a machine is fix some wiring and _make_ them respect you.

Dr. Ivo Robotnik, a.k.a. Eggman, was _perfect_ for Mephiles' plan. A plan that would give him the world and destroy Sonic the Hedgehog all in one swift strike.

* * *

 **And I'm done with this chapter! Does anyone know what show the song in the disclaimer was from? Or who sang it? Or the name of the episode? The reviewer who answers all three correctly will both get bragging rights as well as solve a burning puzzle that has been making me lose sleep (OK, not really), because for the life of me I can't remember the answer to that third question…RR, please.**


	8. I Can't Think of A Good Chapter Title

**My delay was my computer power cord's fault—it short circuited and stopped working. I had to buy another one on Ebay and it just got in today. For my quiz, the song is the Water Buffalo Song, sung by Larry the Cucumber in the episode 'Where's God when I'm S-scared?' ScarredShadow00, Flightgirl, and BubbaDude45 get bragging rights for correct answers all across the board. Which makes me wonder: how well do you know your Veggies? Let's find out…**

 **Disclaimer: In the Veggietales songs 'I Love my Lips,' 'I Can Be Your Friend' and 'The Song of the Cebu' Larry and Jerry refer to Larry's Aunt Ruth. What about Aunt Ruth is different from most other aunts?**

* * *

"Quite an ingenious device," Eggman mused to himself for the _fiftieth stinking time_. "An extraordinary device."

Mephiles fought to keep his anger in check, which was becoming harder and harder to do. Eggman was almost as bad as those toddlers when it came to restating the obvious. And restating, and restating, and…

"This is an absolutely—"

"ALRIGHT I GET IT!" Mephiles screamed in the doctor's face. Then he took a few deep breaths and said, "I mean, I understand that this is an above-ordinary device." Lowering his voice so Eggman couldn't hear him, he muttered, "You've told me often enough." Then he said, quite loudly and pleasantly, "What I would like to know, Doctor, is if you've deduced a way to remove it."

"Well, of course I can remove it!" Eggman said, seeming indignant that Mephiles had questioned his mechanical prowess. "I can remove any mechanical object! For I am Doctor Eggman, the world's foremost…"

"Yes, that's very nice." The last few days had given Mephiles an extraordinary ability to patronize others without sounding patronizing. It was an ability that was becoming increasingly useful in his dealings with Doctor Eggman. "How soon can you remove it?"

"As soon as Metal Sonic gets back with that crucial tool I sent him for," Eggman said nonchalantly.

Mephiles' eyes widened, and—trying hard not to sound worried—he said, "Oh, we are depending on one of your machines, are we?"

"Don't worry," Eggman said soothingly. "Metal Sonic is the one who knows how to get things right the first time. Not like the other two bozos I have running around here."

Shadow Android muttered under his breath, "If we get it done right the first time, he doesn't appreciate how hard it was."

Metal Knuckles leaned closed to Shadow Android and whispered, "He doesn't appreciate us, period."

Mephiles closed his eyes and envisioned his goals. It helped make his current situation tolerable, but only a little.

* * *

"Thanks for watching the kids, Ames," Sonic said appreciatively. "It really helps me out."

"Oh, don't worry about it, Sonic," Amy said, giggling as she let Silver and Blaze into her house. "I was going to watch them today, anyway, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," Sonic gave her a big smile and turned to his pet. "Ready to go, buddy?"

Zombie snapped to attention and gave Sonic a picture-perfect salute. Then he started drooling.

"You're not taking Zombie with you, are you Sonic?" Amy asked, suddenly sounding concerned. "Not after what happened last time…"

"Hey, it's not his fault he turns into a werechao whenever I'm in trouble," Sonic said, defending his pet. "Besides, I paid for the damages, and if Zombie hadn't gone all psycho on me I'd have been in a lot of trouble."

"Sonic…" Amy wondered what the best way to put it was. "Wouldn't it have been better simply to stay away from the Chuck E. Cheese place? Now the whole state of Wisconsin has a restraining order."

"Chuck E. is EVIL, Amy!" Sonic said, as the two restarted what was obviously an age-old argument. "He's a rat that runs a crooked casino for _children_! You spend fifty bucks and come out with a little plastic spider ring. And when I accused him of fixing the games, he _attacked_ me!"

"That's not the way the security guard put it," Amy said. "He said that Chuck E. walked over to you and gave you a hug, and you started screaming, and Zombie started to blow stuff up."

"It was self-defense!" Sonic insisted. "Besides, you can't trust that guard; he's on Chuck E.'s payroll."

Amy sighed and crossed her arms.

"Anyway, I'm not taking Zombie with me. Shads agreed to watch him for a few hours while I go save Cousin Marvin. Maria and Zombie had a play date set up, anyway."

Amy opened her mouth, but Sonic cut her off. "And _no_ they are not going anywhere near City Hall this time, Amy. We're not that irresponsible, you know."

As he started off, Sonic could be heard muttering, "I still don't see what the big deal was—we all knew the Mayor had a toupee a long time before Zombie tackled him and Maria ate it."

Amy sighed and reminded herself that 'boys will be boys,' then she went into her house where Silver and Blaze were sitting on the couch.

"Have you had breakfast?" Amy asked.

Blaze nodded. "Ice kispies."

"Dey go pop pop pop!" Silver added eagerly. "It talkies mes!"

"Me, too," Blaze clarified.

"That's wonderful," Amy said pleasantly. "Now, how would you two like to finger paint for a little while?"

Both Silver and Blaze squealed with glee and started to jump up and down. "Yes! Yes, yes, yes!" they chanted, as Amy got some paper and some nontoxic blue and green paint. She got everything prepped, and just as the two started to paint, her phone started to ring.

Amy was gone for thirty seconds. Long enough to answer the phone and find that it had been a wrong number. When she returned to the children, she found that they'd been hard at work, and had ditched the paper in favor of the walls and floor. Like budding little Michelangelo's with Amy's kitchen as their chosen Sistine Chapel, only this particular Sistine Chapel had not been needing a paint job.

"Oh, no!" Amy cried, gasping at the state of her kitchen. "What have you done?"

Silver and Blaze looked at each other, then showed Amy their fingers, sticky with paint. "Paintin'," they said, explaining their actions.

* * *

Amazingly, Metal Sonic returned with the part Eggman needed, still intact and fully functional! Armed with this new knowledge that miracles do indeed happen in the real world, Mephiles waited for Eggman to create whatever it was he was making to get the collar off of his neck.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Eggman called him into his lab, and presented him with the device that would free him.

Mephiles stared at it and he looked back up to Eggman disbelievingly. "You've _got_ to be kidding me." he said.

"No," Eggman said, tuning the machine—a mechanical, freaking _banjo._ "It's designed to open only to a certain tune played on a specialized banjo. Don't ask me why."

Mephiles thought he might have a good idea as to why, but he had no time to reflect upon GUN's desire for cruel and unusual punishment. Mephiles closed his eyes, braced himself, and muttered, "Let's get this over with."

Eggman started to play the song 'tea for two' on the banjo. It was almost as bad as Sonic's playing, and Mephiles felt his body freeze up and start shaking as beads of sweat brought about by pure terror appeared on his face. Finally, though, the dreaded torment was over, and the collar made a little beeping noise and fell off. Mephiles could feel his powers returning, and he savored it, knowing that he was now ready to go to the next phase of his plan.

"Now, I am equipped to do what needs to be done," Mephiles said musingly. Eggman's face lit up and he rubbed his hands together.

"Yes! Eggman Land will finally become a reality!" the scientist chuckled.

Mephiles opened his eyes and looked at the doctor, nodding slowly. Let the doctor think that Mephiles would give him what he wanted; he would be a most useful pawn.

"You will need to go to Soleanna," Mephiles told him. "That's where you will unleash the Flames of Disaster. It is the most powerful weapon imaginable, and not even Sonic will be able to stop it."

"Where can I find this Flames of Disaster?" Eggman asked.

"Take Princess Elise; she holds the power to unleash it," Mephiles said. "When I see the princess, you will have what you desire most. I will _personally_ take care of Sonic the Hedgehog for you, permanently."

Eggman's eyes lit up evilly, and Mephiles knew he would soon be rewarded for his cunning. His plan would finally come to fruition.

Soon, Mephiles would have the world. And the first thing he would do, would be to destroy every last stinkin' banjo that had ever been created. There would never be another banjo played ever again. And _that,_ would be a future worth fighting for.

* * *

 **So…Mephiles decides to destroy the future so he doesn't have to listen to banjo music? All of a sudden, he doesn't seem like such a bad guy after all. (That is a** _ **joke.**_ **He is a bad guy.) RR, please.**


	9. The Plot Sickens

**Okie-dokie, the answer to my last quiz was: Aunt Ruth has a beard. Hurray for those who got it. Now, I'm going along with an altered version of a game I've never played, and I know less about the Babylon Rogues than I do about Mephiles! They will probably be OOC.**

 **Disclaimer: If not for the optimist, the pessimist wouldn't know how happy he isn't.**

* * *

A good bath later, Amy decided to take Silver and Blaze over to Tails lab. Tails had been fixing her toaster and had called her to tell her it was finished. She figured that now was as good a time as any to go pick it up.

The toddlers were quite impressed with the size of the trees in Mystic Ruins; she had a bit of trouble trying to keep track of them. But eventually, she got them both into Tails' workshop, where it appeared a small tornado had recently stopped by to say, "How do you do?"

"Tails, what happened here?" Amy asked, grabbing Silver before he decided to pick up the pretty sparking metal thing on the floor.

Tails looked up at her wearily. "Big the Cat and Froggy," he said. This was his only explanation as to the damages his lab had; it was enough.

"Tails, why don't you get some locks?" Amy asked, helping him pick up some destroyed equipment.

"I _did_ get some locks," Tails replied, nodding over to the door. It had been ripped effortlessly off of its hinges.

"Oh," Amy replied. That ended the conversation for a little while and they cleaned in silence, Amy periodically looking up to ensure that Blaze and Silver were safe.

One time, however, she looked up and noticed that Silver had found a vial of glowing green oozy stuff and was practically marinating himself in it. It also seemed he'd been drinking the stuff.

Amy was next to him in a heartbeat. "Silver! No, no!" She yanked him out of the green stuff and forced the current mouthful of stuff out of his mouth. "Tails! Quickly, Silver's drunk something from your lab!"

Tails quickly rushed over and started to inspect the liquid that Silver ingested. "It's my formula to counteract the effects of Eggman's baby machine. It shouldn't hurt him, and it's ineffective on regular babies, so he shouldn't feel any side…"

"Wha…where am I?"

Tails and Amy turned around quickly to see Silver, fully grown and looking confused. He looked at Amy and a flash of recognition appeared on his features. "Amy! What's happened? What am I doing here? Where is here, anyway?"

"Silver?" Amy asked, as she realized she knew him from an earlier encounter. "But…oh!"

Still trying to figure out what the heck was going on, Silver remembered, "Just as I returned to the future, Blaze contacted me and told me she'd found something that I had to see. It was a huge machine, and it turned on and…I don't remember much past that…"

Tails and Amy looked at each other knowingly. Silver and his friend must have activated Eggman's machine somehow. They'd been turned into toddlers and that was why drinking Tails' formula brought them back to normal. This only left one more conundrum…

"I wonder why Mephiles told us that you and Blaze were his niece and nephew," Amy mused.

Silver's eyes widened. "Mephiles?" he gasped. "Was he a black and grey hedgehog with no mouth and lime green eyes?"

"Yes," Amy said. "You know him?"

"Know him? He's the one who tricked me into trying to kill the Iblis Trigger…I mean, Sonic," Silver said in a rush. "I thought that GUN had captured him and locked him away forever!"

"Tricked you into trying to…" Amy gasped, and the color seemed to drain from her face. "Oh, no! Sonic…he's in danger! We have to rescue him!"

"We need to get to Soleana. More than likely that's where they ended up," Silver said.

Amy nodded. "I'll take you to Shadow the Hedgehog's house, he can Chaos Control you there quickly."

"I'll stay here and make more formula to change Blaze back to normal," Tails said, turning and picking up the vial he used for his formula. "Now, who's going to watch her until…" He stopped talking when he realized that Silver and Amy were already gone.

Tails gulped nervously and glanced at Blaze, who was looking at a rather expensive piece of equipment in a way that Tails wasn't sure he liked. The cat reached up and touched it, an angelic smile on her little face. It spontaneously burst into flame.

"AUGH!" Tails stated when he saw this display of Blaze's unique abilities. He grabbed a bucket of liquid that was nearby and (hopefully) wasn't flammable and dumped it on the blaze, which fizzled out. (The fire, not the cat.)

Panting heavily, Tails gave Blaze a death glare, wondering how to handle making a formula and watch this little pyromaniac at the same time. He _really_ needed some help.

"Hey! Sonic, get out here! I know you're hiding around here somewhere, and you owe me a rematch!"

Tails' eyes little up with hope at the sound of Sonic's erstwhile rival, Jet the Hawk. True, under normal circumstances, he wouldn't consider Jet to be trustworthy enough to watch a kid, but this was an emergency.

"Come on, Sonic! I thought you were a hedgehog, not a chicken!" Jet was standing on Tails' front lawn, his hands cupped over his beak, hurling insults as he obviously hoped this would get Sonic riled up enough to race him.

"Jet!" Tails cried, rushing outside and half escorting/half dragging Jet into his house. Once inside, he shoved a happy baby Blaze into the bewildered bird's arms. "Here, Jet, have a kid."

Jet stared at Blaze for a full minute, blinking slowly. Then his face contorted into a mixture of disgust and well, more disgust. "Prower, I am shocked and disgusted at the thought of you giving away a baby…wait, am I getting paid?" The thought of monetary gain seemed to pique his interest.

"No," Tails admitted.

"In that case, I am shocked and disgusted with you. I have my pride, you know. You can't just shove off an unwanted baby on me!"

"Great! Thanks, bring her back around five p.m. and I'll be able to change her back!" Before Jet could protest further, or find a way to ditch Blaze, Tails pushed him out of his house and shut the door.

Jet stared at the door for a while and then turned his gaze to Blaze, who was watching him with equal interest.

"I'm a bird…watching a cat…this is wrong on so many levels," Jet griped.

Blaze giggled and hugged his arm. "I wikey you bettern ever'body else," she cooed.

Jet and his huge ego suddenly decided that this kid wasn't half bad after all.

* * *

Ugh, this whole mess was just that. A mess. Luckily, Mephiles was there to clean it up. Eggman had kidnapped Elise— _twice_ —and lost her both times to that ingrate, Sonic. The second time had cost him an airship at least. Both Sonic and Elise were standing on a hilly region, neither realizing that Mephiles was watching them from the safety of the bushes. The Dark had set up a trap that would destroy Sonic, thereby making Elise cry and unleash the Flames of Disaster, and no one would know how to stop it because it would look like an accident. Mephiles would be in the clear.

Until then, however, he had to listen to the two yahoos and their inane drivel.

"Thank you for saving me, Sonic," said Elise, all smiles. She was practically bouncing up and down with glee. Boy, that was one happy bubble he just couldn't wait to bust.

"No prob," Sonic said, striking that _stupid_ pose of his. "Hey, wanna go to my house? We'll have a celebratory Big Banjo Booyah Boogie Bash!"

"That sounds like fun!"

Even as Elise said those naïve words, Mephiles' mind stopped working. Fueled by pure, unrestrained terror, he screamed, "NOOOOO!" and quickly jumped out of the bushes, powering up his Dark Chao Lance…

* * *

Shadow and Silver arrived literally one second later. "We're too late," Silver moaned, as he saw Elise scream in horror and drop next to Sonic. She looked up to where Mephiles stood emotionlessly, tears already threatening to fall. "Why?" she asked in a choked sob.

"Lady," Mephiles said dryly, "if you'd ever attended one of Sonic's Big Banjo Booyah Boogee Bashes, you'd be thanking me right now."

Silver heard Shadow mutter, "While offing the Faker's a bit over doing it, I sort of have to agree with him…"

Mephiles laughed wickedly as tears started to fall from Elise's eyes and the ground started to shake. As volcanoes started erupting, he disappeared.

"What do we do now?" Silver asked. "I don't know how to stop this…"

"I can help."

Shadow and Silver swirled to see an ebony hedgehog with a GUN uniform on standing behind them. Silver's eyes lit up eagerly. "Commander!" he said. "How did you get here?"

The GUN Commander looked at Silver strangely. "I used Chaos Warp."

"What's that?" Shadow asked.

"It's how we can travel through time," the Commander explained hastily. "It looks like my plan worked, though," he nodded towards the hill where Mephiles had just been.

"What are you talking about?" Silver yelled. "Mephiles just destroyed the Iblis Trigger and escaped!"

"Right, but thanks to Sonic, Mephiles now has a weakness: a psychotic and irrational fear of banjo music. We just have to find someone who knows how to exploit it. Come with me," the Commander said, and they came close enough for him to Chaos Warp them back to Silver's time.

"How does having a fear of banjo music help us?" Silver asked when it was over. "Iblis has destroyed all banjos in our time, and there's no one left who knows how to even play one."

"Why didn't you just get someone from the past who knows how to play?" Shadow asked, feeling annoyed at the Commander's illogic.

The GUN Commander smirked at him knowingly. "Actually, that's not entirely accurate, there _is_ someone in our time who knows how to play…" he said, motioning them to follow him. "And since he's waited 200 years for a shot at Mephiles, I wouldn't like to disappoint him."

* * *

Back in the past—which really should be destroyed now because the Flames of Disaster have been unleashed, but hasn't been because of either a plot hole, a horribly paradox, or the fact that Iblis was just big, slow, and lazy—Jet had taken Blaze back to the Babylon Rogue's Extreme Gear Garage.

He set the girl down and called, "Yo! Anybody home?"

The Rogue's mechanic, Wave the Swallow, looked up from where she was tinkering with Jet's board and scowled. "Great. _Another_ one."

"Another one?" Jet repeated, blinking.

"Storm brought two other nuisances home five minutes ago," Wave explained, going back to work.

Wondering what the heck that meant, Jet peeked into the living area, were Storm was watching the Chaos, Zombie and Maria, swing from the ceiling fan.

"What the…"

"Hi, Jet," Storm said happily. "Shadow said we should watch them for a few days while he saves the world. He even said that it's not his fault it's in jeopardy this time. Isn't that wonderful?"

Maria got bored and decided to chew on the light bulb. When she bit it, her whole body started to glow and a brief outline of her skeleton showed. Then she shot off like a rocket and hit Zombie, who bounced to the ground and broke Jet's favorite armchair. Zombie stood up and did a victory pose—not an easy thing to do without fingers—and then he passed out.

Back in the garage, Wave started shrieking. "JET! YOUR LITTLE BRAT JUST SET MY BOARD ON FIRE! GET HER OUT OR I'LL TAKE A BLOWTORCH TO HER!"

' _Yep,'_ Jet thought sourly, ' _it's going to be one of those days.'_

* * *

 **Who wants to guess who the mystery banjo player is? It should be obvious, I've left hints in my stories. Whoever it is 1. has a grudge against Mephiles, 2. Can play banjo and 3. Can live for over 200 years. Who is it? RR, please.**


	10. The Climactic Battle more or less

**You guys really want to know who this mystery banjo player is, huh? I got five possible answers: Shadow, Metal Sonic, Eggman, Omega, and Zombie. I will tell you this before hand: It's not supposed to be Shadow, I never thought of Shadow playing the banjo, but really, the idea is waaaaay too good to pass up. Note: The character Grimshaw the Chao, while awesome, is not mine. He belongs to Th3V3ng3ance, and he is used with permission.**

 **Disclaimer: Don't do anything at home that you don't want your kids to do in public.**

* * *

"Hush, little baby, don't you cry, Jet's gonna buy you a lullaby…" Jet the Hawk was rocking Blaze, singing yet another verse of the only lullaby song he knew. It had taken three and a half hours, but the baby kitten was finally starting to nod off to sleep.

Jet paused and held his breath hopefully as her eyes closed and her breathing became regular. Her body grew limp and she started snoring lightly.

"Thank goodness," Jet said, a flood of relief coursing through his body. "I finally got her to sleep."

At that moment, Maria got bored and started staring at one of Zombie's jagged, crooked wing, wondering what it tasted like. She stealthily sneaked over to Sonic's pet, softly touched one of his sharp, claw like wing edges, and eagerly sunk her teeth in it.

Zombie's eyes widened, he squealed like a banshee and started running around, Maria still chomping down on his wing. The panicking Mixed Breed Chao ran right into the table they kept their computer on, crashing into one of the legs, which gave a sickening cracking sound and broke. This made the table lopsided, which made the computer and all the junk they'd shoved on the computer table for no apparent reason fall down on top of the already freaking out Zombie.

Zombie screamed and burrowed a way out of the tons of junk that covered him, then he turned and discovered that Maria was the cause of his discomfort. Snarling angrily, he started slapping her upside the head.

Maria growled at him and bit down harder. Zombie screamed and started to kick her.

Storm finally decided to get off his lazy bum and go separate the two. He grabbed Maria with one hand and Zombie with the other and pulled them apart. Sort of. Maria wouldn't let go. Zombie continued screaming and Storm pulled harder and harder until…

 _SNAP!_

The two were yanked apart. Maria looked over at the still-traumatized Zombie and grinned, showing him that she still had part of his wing in her mouth. She spit it out and stuck her tongue out at him. Zombie's eyes got huge and he checked his wing, which was actually regrowing itself.

That didn't stop Zombie from screaming to high heaven. Maria started laughing hysterically. And, sadly, all this hootenanny woke Blaze up, who started squalling again.

Jet sighed and started trying to calm Blaze down.

In all the excitement, no one noticed a black tendril emerge from the shadows and envelope the broken, clawed piece of wing that laid abandoned on the floor, quietly dragging it off…

* * *

"What are we doing at this junky old house?" Silver asked, as he helped the GUN Commander rip off some boards that were blocking the doorway. The house looked like it should have been destroyed years ago, it was amazing it was still standing at all.

Shadow had been inspecting the house critically. "If I didn't know better, I'd say it was Sonic's house."

"It _is_ Sonic's house," the GUN Commander said simply, walking through the doorway.

"What are we doing here?" Shadow asked. "Did Faker hide a Chaos Emerald here or something?"

Silver shook his head. "That can't be it. Mephiles has the six emeralds already."

"Six? There are seven emeralds," Shadow said, frowning.

"Not anymore. No one's seen the white emerald since Iblis was unleashed. No one knows what happened to it," the Commander said. "But most people think Mephiles found a way to destroy it so no one could defeat him with the power of the seven emeralds."

"So what are we doing here, then?" Shadow asked.

"I told you, we're getting someone who can play banjo," the Commander replied.

A horrible cry, like the sound a coyote makes, pierced the air, and a small, red monster appeared out of nowhere. It gave them an evil grin and it's arms sprouted claws. It hissed at them.

"It's me," the Commander said.

" _Get out."_

Shadow's blood seemed to chill at the words. It was as if it was inside his head, mocking him. The sheer cruelty it seemed to convey a desire to kill him, and it made Shadow feel very helpless to stop it.

"It's about Mephiles," the Commander continued.

" _DO NOT SPEAK THAT NAME IN MY PRESENCE!"_ A snarl filled the night air and the thing attacked, tackling the GUN Commander and pinning him to the wall. Shadow's eyes widened as he recognized the creature.

"Zombie?" he blinked. "You talk?"

Zombie paid him no mind; he was fixated on the GUN Commander. _"Twice you defiled this hallowed place with your presence and I spared you. Now you mock me a third time! You will receive no more mercy from me!"_

Shadow realized that Zombie's mouth wasn't moving, but it was increasingly obvious that the Chao was the one who was speaking to them. Some sort of psychic ability, perhaps?

Struggling to breath, the Commander gasped, "Found…way…can stop…can save him…"

Zombie's eyes widened and he backed off. _"You...what are you talking about?"_

The Commander took a few gasping breaths and repeated himself. "I found a way to stop Mephiles from killing Sonic. We can save him, Zombie, but we need your help. Do you still have that banjo that Sonic made you?"

" _Of course,"_ Zombie seemed offended at the question. _"How could I ever lose the gift that he created for me with his own hands?"_

"That banjo gives us a chance to stop Mephiles for good," the Commander said. "But we need someone to play it."

Zombie cocked his head and he smiled for the first time in 200 years. _"Look no further,"_ he said, giving a dramatic bow. _"I have oft been told that I am a terrific player for not possessing fingers."_

* * *

Mephiles the Dark kept his eyes closed and refused to turn, even though he knew that his enemies were behind him.

"Mephiles!" Ah, that was the cursed GUN Commander. "We're here to end your reign of terror!"

Mephiles slowly turned and looked at his opponents, amused. There was the GUN Commander, and the past version of Shadow the Hedgehog. And Silver…looks as if they'd managed to change him back to normal after all. Blech. And…

"Ah, Sonic's pet freak," Mephiles said, amused.

Zombie snarled at him. _"Do not say that name! You don't have the right!"_

"Perhaps," Mephiles said. "Tell me, Chao, what do you wish to accomplish? You wish to save him? You are immortal, he is not. Even if you do manage to protect him this time, you will still lose him. Time itself will rip him from you. How does that feel, to know that no matter how well you protect him, you will still fail to save him?"

Zombie straightened up and looked at Mephiles defiantly. _"It is true, I cannot save him from the flow of time…but YOU are not time and I CAN stop you from hurting him!"_

"You think I forgot about you, freak?" Mephiles said in disgust. "That I simply forgot that you could not be killed and that you could play that hideous instrument? I've prepared myself to deal with you… Grimshaw! Come to your master!"

A horrible scream ripped through the night air and a pitch black Chao with blood red eyes appeared. His wings looked like jagged bone, and he had two bone like horns on the top of his head. He snarled. _"What is your wish, Master?"_ he asked.

"Kill him," Mephiles ordered, pointing at Zombie.

Grimshaw gave a horrible scream and tackled Zombie, who instantly extended his claws and started to defend himself.

"Now, then," Mephiles said, as the two Chao tried to kill each other. "Where were we? Ah, yes, I remember." The Dark changed to his crystalline form and started to float in mid air. "I was about to kill you three for the indignities you put me through."

Shadow, Silver, and the GUN Commander each dropped into a fighter's stance.

"This would be better if we had the seven Chaos Emeralds," Shadow said grimly.

Zombie kicked Grimshaw off of his body and flexed his hands. His claws grew longer and he jabbed the evil Chao in the face. Grimshaw shrieked and stumbled backwards, glaring at Zombie with his blood red eyes.

" _The banjo is—"_ Zombie yelled at the trio of hedgehogs but was cut off as Grimshaw jumped at him again.

Silver looked down to the small, Chao-sized banjo he'd been holding. "Is what?" he asked, holding it up.

Mephiles shrieked when he saw it and stumbled back. That wasn't surprising considering his psychotic and irrational fear of banjos; what was surprising was that the six Chaos Emeralds the Dark had collected started to float towards the banjo.

His eyes widening as he realized what was happening, the GUN Commander yelled, "Shadow! Silver! Get to the Chaos Emeralds now!"

As the three rushed to the floating emeralds, Silver gasped, "I don't understand…was the seventh emerald inside of the banjo?"

"No," the Commander said dryly, "It _is_ the banjo."

The trio jumped in the middle of the ring made by the emeralds. A bright flash of light blinded Mephiles, and when it dissipated, he saw that Shadow and the GUN Commander now had a silvery hue, while Silver looked copperish—the three had gone super!

"Chaos Spear!" Super Shadow yelled, and the aforementioned objects appeared and started flying towards Mephiles. The Dark quickly turned to his first form and they flew through his shadowy body.

"Even with the seven emeralds," he said, "you cannot beat me."

"Can't blame a guy for trying," the GUN Commander said, flying to Mephiles and punching at his face.

Mephiles caught his hand effortlessly.

"Actually," the Dark said, his lime green eyes glinting evilly. "I can." And he punched the Commander so hard that had he not been in super form, it would have broken every bone in his body. Mephiles tossed him to the side and found himself beset with hundreds of boxes, cars, trucks, and whatever else was nearby.

Super form, it seemed, increased Silver's psychokinetic abilities a hundred percent, and he was using this increase to the fullest.

" _This_ is the best you could do?" Mephiles asked in disgust, shooting through rubble with his Dark Chaos Lance. "Some pathetic little spears and boxes? I had been hoping for a bit of a challenge…"

* * *

" _You are a pathetic weakling,"_ Grimshaw taunted his opponent as he swiped at him. _"And to think, all these years I had been preparing for a worthy adversary."_

Zombie dodged the strike and gave Grimshaw a wicked grin. _"You're a snook,"_ he said. _"And I have not yet begun to fight!"_

As he said this, his eyes started to glow a bright orange color and his body turned green. His claws seemed to grow hallow and a bright white stream of energy emerged, hitting Grimshaw dead on and knocking him back.

The evil Chao stood up and grinned at his rival. _"That's more like it,"_ he said. A bright fire flared up around him and died down, revealing that Grimshaw had turned into a monster. It had a black, skeletal like body, dressed in black and red Samurai type armor, with a red flame on his chest. His claws were now just as sharp and long as Zombie's.

Zombie looked at his opponents' new form and whistled. Then he grinned. _"All right, you Scooby Doo reject,"_ he said, twirling around and motioning Grimshaw to come closer. _"Let's dance!"_

" _You're a fool,"_ Grimshaw stated as he resumed his attack.

" _Takes one to know one,"_ Zombie countered, dropping and sweeping Grimshaw's legs out from under him.

Grimshaw stumbled back, then performed a somersault to regain his balance. He was up on his feet again in an instant. _"I am going to kill you,"_ he said coldly.

" _Ladies first,"_ Zombie taunted. Grimshaw roared in anger and attacked, his claws posed to kill. Zombie used his own claws to block the evil Chao, and the two started to use them like swords, dodging, striking and parrying gracefully.

* * *

"Shadow! Silver!"

The two hedgehogs quickly regrouped with the GUN Commander. They had been hard pressed in this fight; even in Super form they couldn't seem to dent Mephiles.

"What is it, Commander?" Silver asked.

"We need a new tactic. If we can concentrate our power in Super form, we can open a portal to Outer Dimension. Then we can force Mephiles and his Chao in there and lock them away forever. He won't be able to kill Sonic and take over the world then."

Shadow nodded. "It's our only chance; let's go for it."

The three focused and each pushed out with the excess Chaos energy they had in Super form and opened the portal to Outer Dimension. The strain it took drained them of the last of their Chaos Energy, however, and there Super forms dissolved.

"Looks like you're running on empty," Mephiles taunted them. "I, however, am not." he started to power up his Dark Chaos Lance.

Shadow looked down to where Zombie's banjo was lying and jumped for it. He grabbed it and started picking the song 'Turkey in the Straw.'

"AUGH!" Mephiles shrieked and covered his ears in horror, trying to block out the horrible noise.

Silver looked over to Shadow in shock. "You can play banjo?" he asked.

Shadow nodded as he continued to play. "It's not something I'm proud of," he said.

* * *

Zombie and Grimshaw locked claws and leaned in, each glaring into each other's eyes.

" _Do you not understand now?"_ Grimshaw asked. _"Not only did Master create me from your DNA, he modified it. I am better than you are. You cannot beat me."_

" _Maybe you don't understand,"_ Zombie retorted. _"He may have made you from my DNA, he may have modified it. But I bet there's one thing he didn't do."_

" _And what's that?"_ Grimshaw taunted.

Zombie's eyes flashed orange again and the white energy emerged from his claws, hitting Grimshaw and knocking him into Mephiles, which caused them both to enter the portal to the Outer Dimension. It closed up after them, trapping them both.

Zombie smirked to where Grimshaw had been and said, _"He didn't give you a very high IQ."_

"It's over," Silver said eagerly. "We really defeated Iblis for good this time."

"What's…what's happening?" Shadow asked, as he saw that everything seemed to be dissolving.

"This future no longer exists. And if we don't work fast, you won't either," the GUN Commander said, enveloping Shadow, Silver, and Zombie in some sort of bubble. "This will protect you and take you home," the Commander said, fading.

"Commander!" Silver yelled, pounding on the bubble. "What are you doing?"

Barely visible anymore, the Commander smiled. "I'm staying here. This is my place. And I don't exist anymore. At least, this part of me doesn't." He looked pointedly at Shadow, who nodded slightly.

The bubble disappeared into the time stream, and in a few minutes, the future where Mephiles ruled disappeared too.

It had never existed, after all.

* * *

 **My original banjo player was Zombie. He had a grudge against Mephiles for killing Sonic, he's part of Professor Robotnik's Ultimate Lifeform Program, and therefore immortal, and if you remember, he played the banjo earlier in the story. But like I said again: Shadow playing banjo is way too good to pass up. And also, about the laser beam and the talking, Zombie does whatever I say he can do. That's the neat part about making an original character, don't you see. Does everyone know who the future GUN Commander is? Tell me who you think he is, and I'll tell you who he is at the end of the next chapter, which will be the last. RR, please.**


	11. Epilogue

**Here we go, the last chapter. And yes, the GUN Commander was a future version of Shadow the Hedgehog. Hurray for those who got it!**

 **Disclaimer: Poverty is a state of mind caused by your neighbor's new car.**

* * *

Shadow, Silver, and Zombie appeared near the garage of the Babylon Rogues. Shadow instantly went to get his pet back.

He pounded on the door and eventually it was opened by a very tired looking Jet. "Please tell me Tails is finished with that formula thingamajig," he pleaded.

Shadow looked at him like he was nuts. "I don't know what your talking about," he said. "I just came for the pets."

"Pets?" Jet asked. "Oh, you mean Maria. There's…something I want to show you…"

Shadow frowned and followed Jet into the garage. The hawk took him to the living room, where he'd finally just gotten Blaze asleep again. In the middle was the room was Maria, and the past Zombie was nowhere to be found.

Shadow thought that perhaps this was because Zombie had come back from the future with them, and also because since Mephiles hadn't started this mess, Sonic hadn't brought Zombie to him to watch anyway.

Why Blaze the Cat was still here, however, was a mystery that he didn't care to learn.

"See, she started squalling and running around about twenty five minutes ago, and then she disappeared. We found her two minutes ago, in the bathroom…and um, she'd laid this."

Jet handed Shadow a checkered Chao egg. Shadow looked at it slowly, then he looked out to where he'd left Zombie with a look that, had Zombie seen it, would have induced him to go far, far away and never return.

This was yet another time paradox that gave Shadow a headache. He took Maria and the egg and walked back outside. His suspicions on how the egg came into being strengthened as, when his pet saw Zombie, she squealed and started to cuddle him, purring.

"Have something you want to explain?" Shadow asked, holding up the egg.

Zombie's eyes went wide, then he gave a cheeky grin. However, it seemed that he'd forgotten how to speak. He certainly wasn't opening up to Shadow any time soon.

Before Shadow could justly kill the stupid Chao, a rush of wind flew into being and Sonic appeared. Zombie gave a thrilled squeak and tackled the owner he'd missed for 200 years.

"There you are, little buddy," Sonic said happily. "I've been looking all over for you. Oh, hey Shads, cool egg."

"That…Chao of yours…" Shadow managed to splutter, glaring at Zombie.

Sonic blinked, and looked at Zombie. Then he looked at Maria. Then he looked at the egg and the furious Shadow. Then a figurative light bulb went off.

"Hey, looks like you and I are in-laws, huh Shads?"

"Don't. Call. Me. Shads." The ebony furred hedgehog snarled. "I'm going to…"

Sonic suddenly had a very bad feeling about leaving Zombie near Shadow for a day or two. Or fifty. He grabbed his pet, said a hurried, "See ya, bye," and disappeared.

Maria wave cheerfully to the two departing figures and cooed.

"Oh, shut up," Shadow snapped, putting the egg in his pocket. He was going to take it home, stuff it in the back of his closet, and hope it never hatched. Ever.

At that moment, Tails rushed to the garage with a green glowing vial of ooze. Jet eagerly let him in, and although Shadow and Silver couldn't see anything, in a few seconds they heard the unmistakable voice of adult Blaze screaming, "Where am I? Where's Silver? WHO ARE YOU!"

Then the garage spontaneously burst into flames.

Silver rubbed the back of his head nervously and said, "Well, I'd better be getting back…I can't wait to see what the future's like now."

"HALT!"

A squad of policemen tackled Silver all at the same time. One squirted pepper spray in his eyes, one handcuffed him, and the rest just hit him over the head with their stick thingies.

"OW OW OW!" Silver yelped as they hauled him to his feet. "What are you doing?"

"Thought you could get away from us, huh? And you know, the judge was going to dismiss your case from lack of evidence. But you proved your guilt when you busted out of jail!"

"I have NO idea what you're talking about!" Silver yelled.

"Sure you don't. You people make me sick," the policeman said, as he dragged Silver away.

Shadow watched them go interestedly, then he shrugged and went home.

* * *

A pair of evil, lime green eyes watched from a small window like portal inside the Outer Dimension. This was all their fault. Shadow and Silver for daring to defy him, and that idiot Sonic for giving him that psychotic and irrational fear of banjo music. They had trapped him here, but not for long. He would not be trapped here forever. He would escape.

And when he did…

* * *

 **And I'm done! If you want to find out what happens next, check out Th3V3n3ance's story From Silver to Baby Onyx. We've deliberately set it up as a direct sequel. And FYI, the egg is Checkers the Chao, the Chao Silver is seen riding in Showdown at Sonikk U Ranch. (Shameless advertising, hint, hint.) Th3V3n3ance got the idea that Checkers was Zombie and Maria's egg, and I thought that was absolutely awesome. RR, please.**


	12. Bonus Chapter!

**Ha, bet you thought I was done with this fic, didn't you? Well, so did I. But then I thought of this cool way to explain a time paradox…or a plot hole, you pick. BTW, in this chapter, when I write** _ **Italic**_ **, the Chao are speaking Chao language. Non italic dialogue is in regular, everyday English.**

* * *

Yellow, bloodshot eyes stared across the black expanse of the night sky from the window of his present abode. It was almost time for him to go; he could feel it resonating in the Chaos energy around him. Where he was going; he wasn't sure, but he was certain it would mean the life of his Big Person, Sonic.

There were many things Zombie the Chao could tolerate; potential threats to Sonic wasn't one of them.

The white Mixed Breed Chao was getting ready to fly out the window when a small coo sounded behind him. Zombie whirled like a kid with his hands caught in the proverbial cookie jar, worried that the Big People that Shadow had left him with had caught him.

It was worse.

Black, pupil-less eyes stared at him and an ebony, feminine Dark Chao grinned, showing him her pointy teeth. Pointy teeth that only six hours ago had ripped off part of his wings.

Zombie subconsciously hid his wings behind his back and hissed, _"What do you want, Maria?"_

Maria looked at his wing and bowed her head, seemingly ashamed of herself. _"I'm sorry I bit you,"_ she said. _"I was having so much fun playing that I got carried away."_

Zombie rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the window. He felt he didn't need to go just yet; but soon. He needed to be ready.

Maria continued her apology. _"I really like you, Zombie,"_ she insisted. _"Really. What can I do to make it up to you?"_

Zombie was focusing on the feeling that the Chaos Energy was giving him; the feeling that he needed to go soon. So he dabbled into a personality trait that he'd inherited from his Big Person, Sonic: he made a witty joke. _"You could elope with me,"_ he teased.

Unfortunately, if Zombie inherited being funny from Sonic; Maria had inherited Shadow's inability to take a joke.

" _OK,"_ she said, rather eagerly.

Zombie hadn't been expecting an OK; at best he'd expected laughter, or maybe even a slap across the cheek for being smart. But not an OK.

" _What?"_ he gawked.

" _We could go now,"_ Maria said, her eyes distant with the thoughts of eloping. _"We could do it tonight!"_

Zombie's mind whirled with conflicting and somewhat confusing thoughts and emotions. The reasons for not taking Maria up on her GENUINE offer of eloping were many: Shadow wouldn't like it; Zombie wasn't prepared for marriage, even by elopement; Shadow wouldn't like it and would be displeased with him; Maria could be bossy at times and she tended to let her Dark Chao traits get a touch too out of control; and most importantly, Shadow wouldn't like it and would kill him dead.

There was only one reason Zombie could see for eloping: Maria, by Chao standards, was hot.

The Mixed Breed Chao grinned and decided that nothing ventured, nothing gained. He nodded, and Maria squealed with glee, and the two flew out of the window, looking for someone to marry them as soon as possible.

* * *

The nearest Justice of the Peace lived three blocks over; and his name was Dwaine Riatte. And when someone started knocking on his door, he never imagined that two little Chao could be sitting outside, or that one of them actually asked him to give them an impromptu marriage ceremony.

First off, the average Chao isn't capable of speaking English. Secondly, the average Chao didn't get married by a Justice of the Peace. The fact that a talking Chao had asked him to marry him was extremely abnormal; even in a place that had anthropomorphic super fast hedgehogs and fat, mustached men who regularly competed with each other for the fate of the world.

It was so abnormal, in fact, that poor old Dwaine thought he must have imagined things. "I'm sorry, little Chao, but you didn't just ask me to marry you…did you?" he asked.

"I did," the white, disgusting looking Chao replied. "I want you to marry me to Maria, here."

The black Chao cooed and waved a stubby little paw. In shock, and thinking that this must be some sort of warped, twisted dream brought upon by overwork, Dwaine waved back and agreed to the marriage session.

Amazingly, Dwaine had a blank marriage certificate in his cabinet, unless of course most Justice of the Peace keep blank marriage certificates around their house. Then, the sentence would say, 'Obviously, Dwaine had a blank marriage certificate in his cabinet.'

"Now, who am I to make this certificate out to?" Dwaine asked good-naturedly, expecting to wake up at any minute.

"Zombie the Mixed Breed Chao and Maria the Dark Chao," Zombie instructed, and Dwaine filled out the necessary arrangements. "Do you have a ring?" he asked Zombie.

Zombie chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his head. "Well…you see, we don't have one, because we sort of eloped," he explained.

"Oh, right," Dwaine smiled and nodded, wondering just how long this dream was supposed to go on. He cleared his throat and said, "Well, how about we make this short and simple? You, uh…Zombie…you want to marry this…Chao, and stand beside her, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, till death do you part?"

Zombie shuffled. "Death is such a strong word…" he said, seemingly having second thoughts. Maria bared her teeth at him and hissed. Zombie cringed visibly. "I do," he said.

"And do you…Maria…take this Chao for your lawful wedded husband, for better for worse for—"

"Chao!" Maria interrupted, impatient to be on with it. Dwaine looked at Zombie helplessly.

"She said yes," the Mixed Breed Chao said helpfully.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may…uh…cuddle the bride," Dwaine finished, shooing them out of the house, slamming the door, and swearing off pizza before bedtime.

Maria and Zombie gave each other a swift cuddle and rushed back to the house, marriage certificate in hand.

* * *

It was time. Maria hadn't been happy that he was leaving as soon as they got back; but it was important that he be there to stop the…whatever it was he was supposed to stop.

Maria, who was furious when he told her she couldn't go with him, finally got him to consent to letting her go part of the way. They were flying around the woods, Maria following Zombie, and Zombie following his sixth sense.

Finally, Zombie turned a corner and the two froze as they saw a massive time portal, just waiting for Zombie to enter. Zombie somehow knew that he had to enter the portal and seek out his future self so they could bond into one creature and therefore be powerful enough to stop what needed to be stopped. Don't ask how he knew that; he just did.

As Zombie stepped towards the portal, Maria grabbed his hand and cried, _"Zombie, I want an egg!"_

" _WHAT!"_ Zombie asked. _"Already?"_

" _Don't you want an egg?"_ Maria asked, making pouty lips.

" _Well…sure, I guess,"_ Zombie admitted. _"But…"_

" _Yea!"_ Maria cheered, not waiting for him to finish. _"I'm so glad you feel that way. I've already placed an order!"_

" _WHAT!"_ Zombie shrieked, but Maria was already gone. Zombie had no choice but to just turn and walk into the portal, which he did rather numbly.

* * *

 **Later, as an angry Shadow stomps out of the Rogue's garage with Maria…**

Maria squealed with glee as she saw Zombie, rushing over to cuddle with him. Shadow's eyes narrowed dangerously, and he held up a checkered egg. "Have something you care to explain?"

" _Isn't it wonderful?"_ Maria asked a wide-eyed Zombie. _"The Stork delivery service got it here a day early! Only it got stuck in the attic and I had to chase it down! I finally had to yank that stupid bird down an air vent in the bathroom. Why does the Chao Egg service use storks, anyway?"_

Zombie could think of nothing to say, but he gave a big grin, just to show Maria that he was, in fact, pleased.

For some reason, his approval only seemed to make Shadow angrier. Zombie was wondering how to best explain the impromptu eloping session to the furious hedgehog, when, wonder of wonder, his beloved Sonic showed up.

"There you are, little buddy," Sonic said happily. "I've been looking all over for you. Oh, hey Shads, cool egg."

"That…Chao of yours…" Shadow managed to splutter, glaring at Zombie.

Sonic blinked, and looked at Zombie. Then he looked at Maria. Then he looked at the egg and the furious Shadow. Then a figurative light bulb went off.

"Hey, looks like you and I are in-laws, huh Shads?"

"Don't. Call. Me. Shads." The ebony furred hedgehog snarled. "I'm going to…"

Sonic suddenly had a very bad feeling about leaving Zombie near Shadow for a day or two. Or fifty. He grabbed his pet, said a hurried, "See ya, bye," and disappeared.

Maria waved cheerfully to the two departing figures and cooed.

"Oh, shut up," Shadow snapped, putting the egg in his pocket. He was going to take it home, stuff it in the back of his closet, and hope it never hatched. Ever.

Maria huffed, then grinned and pulled a piece of paper out from nowhere and handed it to Shadow.

"What's this?" Shadow asked, reading it slowly. His eyes widened, and his face turned even darker than normal. **"A MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE!"**

* * *

Once out of sight of the enraged Shadow, Sonic slowed down and wagged his finger at Zombie, making a _tsk, tsk_ noise. "That wasn't very bright of you, Zombie," Sonic chastised. "You really made Shads mad this time. But I get where you're coming from. I bet Maria's really hot, isn't she?"

Zombie nodded happily.

The two friends started walking off, when somewhere, the voice of an enraged Shadow screamed, **"A MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE!"**

Sonic and Zombie froze and gave each other worried glances. "I think we'd better lie low for a while," Sonic whispered. Zombie nodded his agreement.

Atop his perch on Sonic's shoulder, Zombie brooded as the two sought out a good hiding spot to wait out the Wrath of Shadow. Eloping with Maria, all things considered, had _not_ been a good idea.

But, she was hot, so who cared?

* * *

 **This whole thing came about because I could just see Shadow screaming, "A MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE!" at the top of his lungs.**


End file.
